My thoughts feel jumbled, a lot like they did when I started blogging back in 2014. In 2014, Daniel and I were moving through infertility. We were deep in what felt like an impossible pit. There were days when I felt completely hopeless - in full transparency, there were more bad days than good. But God.
"yet you brought up my life from the pit, O Lord my God." Jonah 2:6
I can't fully articulate how good the Lord has been to us. The story He's so meticulously written for us has included more heartache and brokenness than I could have ever imagined - but the joy (oh the joy!) in spite of it all still leaves me in awe of Him. When I look at my babies and consider all that went into getting them here, I can't help but want to shout of His goodness!
So why then would I want to go back into the pit? Will I have the same appreciation for it once I'm out? Will it overwhelm me and my faith this time? Is this even a pit? Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself...
Life. That's what this is all about. The gift of life. The only certainty I know in this moment is that life is valuable and I have two embryos who deserve a chance at it. Giving them that chance at life will invite loss into the story, because these embryos will never be my babies. Life for these embryos means life with someone other than me. Life for them, means loss for me. Or does it? Maybe my perspective is off. Can something that was never really yours be considered a loss? Time will tell...
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